The Team Confesses - Shelby

“For over two and a half years I have worked with children, and after this confession you may think I shouldn’t!

Shelby

I work in a half term kids club with children 4-16 years old. I am considered so responsible that I often get given the role of Leader. On this particular day in August I was in charge of the 4-6 year olds, and they were playing on the bouncy castle while I supervised. A four-year-old boy, Peter*, who’s pretty quiet and looks like a mini Milky Bar kid, came off the bouncy castle and was brought over to me by another member of staff – both looking concerned.

While on the bouncy castle Peter had fallen on his face and bent his glasses. I took them off and thought logically, ‘If they can bend out of place, surely I can bend them back into place.’

That’s when I snapped his glasses in half.

In a moment of panic I handed the remains back to Peter and said, in my high-pitch-child-friendly-voice, ‘oh no, you've broken your glasses!’ Peter said nothing and just looked confused. Then I told him ‘we'll have to try and fix them for you.’

We tried everything from gluing to welding and in the end had to resort to the good old fashioned Harry Potter route, and stuck them together with sellotape. Peter’s mum received a phone call from our reception to say her son had broken his glasses, and I never spoke of my failed logic again (until now). Luckily, Peter had spare glasses.”

*Name changed

Shelby isn’t the only person who’s screwed up and blamed it on someone else. Everyone knows the relief when you get away with it. But mind-fucking a kid is a-whole-nother confession. Especially a kid who looks as cute as the Milky Bar kid.

To be fair, a mini Milky Bar kid on a bouncy castle is a fail-safe scapegoat. Group of children on a bouncy castle? Of course he broke his glasses! What are they like, hmm?

I also adore the idea of a bleach-blond Harry Potter actually walking around with sellotaped glasses. I just hope he doesn't associate Shelby with Dudley Dursley the next time he goes to the half term club. 

By Mel Hargreaves.