The Team Confesses - Shelby

“For over two and a half years I have worked with children, and after this confession you may think I shouldn’t!

Shelby

I work in a half term kids club with children 4-16 years old. I am considered so responsible that I often get given the role of Leader. On this particular day in August I was in charge of the 4-6 year olds, and they were playing on the bouncy castle while I supervised. A four-year-old boy, Peter*, who’s pretty quiet and looks like a mini Milky Bar kid, came off the bouncy castle and was brought over to me by another member of staff – both looking concerned.

While on the bouncy castle Peter had fallen on his face and bent his glasses. I took them off and thought logically, ‘If they can bend out of place, surely I can bend them back into place.’

That’s when I snapped his glasses in half.

In a moment of panic I handed the remains back to Peter and said, in my high-pitch-child-friendly-voice, ‘oh no, you've broken your glasses!’ Peter said nothing and just looked confused. Then I told him ‘we'll have to try and fix them for you.’

We tried everything from gluing to welding and in the end had to resort to the good old fashioned Harry Potter route, and stuck them together with sellotape. Peter’s mum received a phone call from our reception to say her son had broken his glasses, and I never spoke of my failed logic again (until now). Luckily, Peter had spare glasses.”

*Name changed

Shelby isn’t the only person who’s screwed up and blamed it on someone else. Everyone knows the relief when you get away with it. But mind-fucking a kid is a-whole-nother confession. Especially a kid who looks as cute as the Milky Bar kid.

To be fair, a mini Milky Bar kid on a bouncy castle is a fail-safe scapegoat. Group of children on a bouncy castle? Of course he broke his glasses! What are they like, hmm?

I also adore the idea of a bleach-blond Harry Potter actually walking around with sellotaped glasses. I just hope he doesn't associate Shelby with Dudley Dursley the next time he goes to the half term club. 

By Mel Hargreaves. 

The Team Confess - Montana

Montana.

“I was at a student house party – piling too much drink onto a stomach full of baked potato, cheese and king prawns. Thinking I could handle myself, I carried on drinking. However it wasn’t long before I felt the contents of my stomach rising up into my mouth. I ran out and projectile vomited thick, fishy food all down a flight of carpeted stairs. I snuck to the toilet to brush my teeth and found some gum. When everyone discovered the mess they were disgusted and I pretended to be shocked as well. Whoops!”

As part of our CC Confesses launch we admin girls have decided to reveal our own embarrassing moments to start you all off. They're going to get cringey, gross, down-right deceitful... and always personal.

 

It’s happened to everyone. We've all had that one tequila shot too many (and vodka mixer, pint, rum, sambuca...) that’s tipped us over the edge. It’s not a real student party if there isn’t 1. someone crying in a corner and 2. at least one person sighing “chunderbirds are go!” as they stumble to the bathroom.

 

And that’s if, unlike this unlucky team member, you make it to the toilet.

 

There’s a couple of embarrassing beauties in this confession. No matter how many times it happens to us, what’s worse than vomming in public? No one likes to have to promise their host that they'll be back in the morning with a J-cloth and some carpet cleaner. I’m impressed with how secret Montana has kept this incident – until now!

Don’t forget to send in your confessions and join myself, Montana and Shelby in our embarrassment.

Mel Hargreaves

FESS UP!

We're creating a collection of confessions from Canterbury Christ Church Students...

From confessing your deepest secrets, to owning up to breaking your housemates favourite mug - we want them all - from embarrassing alcohol fuelled stories, to totally cringey toilet humour. It's time CCCU confesses!

Your confessions can be emailed to us, or even tweeted or posted on our Facebook group - any which way. 

Once we have collected confessions some will be posted here, some on Facebook and Twitter, but the best ones will be awarded with a spot here on our website, and in a magazine soon to be published. Excited yet? 

This is an opportunity for CCCU students to clear the air, get things off their chest, and to make other students laugh. It's also an opportunity to read something fun, stories that you may or may not (depending on their level of cringe!) be able to relate to. It's also a fun opportunity for a little University guessing game. 

So, don't be shy! Send us your confessions.